Yesterday I was watching some investigative documentary on NG .It was close to midnight when I heard something- it was coming from the dining. My maid, Maadhu and I looked at eachothers faces with contorted facial expressions as if to ask, ‘Did you hear that too?’. I am squintin at the dark dining area to see if I could make out whats making that toy-plane-propeller sound. Maadu too gets into investigative mode, and we discover that there has been an unlikely intruder into our home… a dragon fly.
Poor thing has been trying to release from our unintentional captivity. It would try hard to find a way out. It would try and try and try till it gets tired and rests a while before it starts to try all over again. Maadu opened her mouth to suggest that we kill it since its sittin on my dinin wall- our chance at putting an end to a 'threat'… Maadu was under the impression that it would bite… It reminded me thats what I thought when I saw a dragon fly for the first time when I was a kid. It pretty late for Maadhu to still have this misconception. The dragon fly’s size and unconventional looks, earns it wrong judgment … at least in the eyes of children. It cut Maadu short, just as my Mom did once upon a time, to educate her that it was harmless and that it would find its way out on its own. I get back to watching the program accompanied by the occasional sound of desire for liberation. The program comes to an end at half past 1 and I go to snuggle in bed. I go to wash my face and when I come back what do I see? The dragon fly is shifted the location of its search for freedom to my bedroom right next to the window. Its been able to locate the window in my room but cant get out since my dad has nailed down a net to prevent any mosquito attacks. That’s when I started wondering How did this dragon fly get in, in the first place?!!! My dad had turned this house into a fortress which protects its people from the irritating itchy-scratchy mosquito bites – leaving the windows in the hall, all the rest have immovable nets in place. The one in the hall, can slide to open and close. Though that window is open, the nets haven’t been opened since two days… then how did this big dragon fly get in? I should report this to my dad, to bring to his notice a possible leak in his design! Well any way, if the dragonfly was smart enough to locate my window, it would be smart enough to find the window in the hall… I go to sleep.
Come today morning and guess what?! I am busy checkin my mails and strolling thru the bloggo-vard in the morning, when I hear that familiar propeller sound again. The dragon fly has disappointed me… it hadn’t found its way out and is still trying at my window. This time you could make out that it was real tired trying all night. It must have been baffled at the thought , “There is a breeze hitting me, there is the smell of fruits and flowers, I can hear the call of my loved one… but why cant I get past this opening?”- sweetheart that’s simply cos your too big for it. I feel proud that it tried so hard yet so sorry that it hasn’t attained freedom. I want to see it free. I wonder whether there is a way I could guide it out. My brilliant brain thinks of a news paper. I strategise my plan of action: I would wait till its tired and lies on the floor, then I would scoop it up in the news paper and take it to the window in the sitting room and release it. But there might be a problem, the dragonfly might have the tendance to flutter and fly about if I have to carry her on the newspaper. So I polish the idea a lil further, and decide to roll the newspaper into a cylinder big enough to carry it safely without damaging its wings. But how do I get it into the cylinder? As if on cue, the dragonfly flies up to the window net and clutches on to it. I slowly approach her with my newly invented contraption and slowly and carefully get it to circle around our dragonfly. It feels a lil awkward ar first and refuses to get it, but it fights its apprehensions and decides to trust my design and settles in my dragonfly-carrier. I walk fast to the sitting room, careful not to shake and hoping that any insecurity in her/him wont prompt him/her to fly out of my ingenious design. I open the window with the suave and sophisticated ease of 007, then open up my dragonfly-carrier out to the skies. With no shadow of doubt, wasting no time the dragonfly flies out to settle on a tree nearby. Along with it, something in me found release too, something burst out… I don’t know what it exactly was…joy, relief, pride, but by the time its effects rippled to my face, it formed a smile that would make my orthodontist proud (since that would save him and me the trouble of putting a stent-like thing into my mouth to keep it wide open). But why the hell bother on trying to dissect and bisect the feeling?.. all that matters is that it felt GOOD.
The halo around my horns is eye-blinding, today. :) Bonjour, mes amis!
35 comments:
not realy man... there are times that it switches on and there are times it seems non existant. But thats a very generous comment- thank you. would i do that if it was a roach? no. or a cluster of ants... i would get goose bumps and run for my life! a lizard... yes. grasshoppers -yes. i would rate my self on the kindo-meter .. two on a scale of ten. :)
Well, good job done. There have been instances in my office where butterflies come in and are stuck at the glass windows... they dont seem to realise that there is a door...
Are we actually stuck like the dragon fly in this world ? buldozing in one direction and not realising that there is a door somewhere which opens up to the sky..
Aimless wondering..
vasu
Maadu opened her mouth to suggest that we kill it since its sittin on my dinin wall- our chance at putting an end to a 'threat'…
Maadu's and my thoughts are matching....surprisingly...hmmmmmm..
:)
Anyway...its a nice deed from ur side...
God bless you!!
vasu: actually i could relate to the situation the dragon fly was in. sometimes in desperation we tend to not see other alternatives... cos the pain your going thru seems far bigger than you can handle and demands for your attention. and somewhere inside you fear whether you'd make it. i dont think i have tried half as hard as that dragonfly. there are several moments wher i have given up before the fight even begins. i am trying to make deliberate attempts at stoppin my self from being so pessimistic at times. i being the creme de la creme of all creations give up so soon while a dragon fly that might have a brain thats smaller than the tip of a pencil... refused to give up!
arz000n: god aint gonna bless me dude... cos for every such ten instances i come across, i would perhaps do it once. there are times that you just ignore such instnaces and walk on. may be cos i hadnt had a lot of things on my mind today, i was able to think about it.. perhaps on another time... i might not have done it!
hadnt i helped that dragon fly... i think it would have died trying to get out... that still has dignity doesnt it? i just hope, that i would remember the dragon fly and tell my self to not give up so easy , come what may.
everytime that someone falls off a bike (minor accident) do you stop, go back, and help?
Oh Mi God!!!!!!! WHen ibegan readin, I thought it was some "thief" or some sort of thing...But u have written the story in such a charming way tht the dragon fly gets so much of admiration and you get admiration for being the "protector"....:)
S2W-> thanks a lot dear. :)
I am not very fond of the insects family but lately I'm being kind enough to aid(throw!)their way out! But the ones with wings give me the creeps!!
BTW, atlast got around to honour your tag!
Hi and thanks for your comment. Not that it matters but the girls' dad is my grandson - not my son-in-law. That makes me great-granny. He's my daughter Carol's older son.
P. S. Forgot to add I'm glad the dragon-fly is free. They are beautiful.
When I was growing up in New York (upstate, not the city) we used to call them darning needles.
Insects.. they kinda freak me out :s Had i been in your place.. i'd have asked my bro or cuz to do it.. i dont hate them.. but just cant stand them anywhere near me :/ hehe!
me too-> none of them are my fav too. had that dragon fly come flying my way, i would have ducked or squirmed out of its path. but somehow... i dont know why i was in my 'angle' mood that day. well will check your tag out. i have a tag pending myself! :)
granny-> GOD! your a great granny... you have seen three generations. you sure are still active! whats the secret?!
i am not a great fan of dragon flies, but my heart goes out to them since they dont bite or sting :)
prmod bafna-> if you had studied biology in your pre university college, then i hope you remember the cockroach disection classes. i still run away at the sight of a roach. I cant gather the courage to kill one- i'd rather run for my life than kill it! but when it was served to me at the disection class... it was cool... i was all focussed at the work in hand and didnt irk at all! i went perfect! to top it only two of us(including me) volunteered to do the job. *pullin collar *funny is the human mind. i still wouldnt have a problem doing a disection again.. but kill a live running roach... i have to think again!
Dragonflies are beautiful things. Well done for setting it free.
Less beautiful are horse flies.
And cow flies.
And rhinoceros flies - which are big heavy things with a horn.
And watch out for dinosaur flies too.
ROGER STEVENS-> welcome to my blog. you seem to have quite a sizable knowledge of insects, esp the ones you have invented :)) curiosity kills me... how big or tiny are the dinosaur flies? ;) fly by again, to see more than just flies :)
@neets
The dragon fly not finding the open door is a metaphor i find myself in many times. This situation is one thing I can deeply relate to. Sometime s all I need is a good sounding board who can give step back and look at the whole room and let me know if I am on the right track. We all need course corrections every once in a while...
Thats one act of good karma you did. Gave the dragon fly a course correction. You will find similar help coming your way when you need it most. Good karma never goes unreturned :)
vasu
hmmmffff hmfff...2 long
Hey, let me polish that halo for you! ;-) And it's a well-deserved halo...how lucky that you rescued that poor dragonfly before it died from exhaustion!
vasu-> hey, even i happen to believe what goes around comes around. you know when your in a situation, it seems a lot bigger than it really is. its someone who can see your situation from outside who can help you provided its someone whos honest and someone you can trust. hey do you believe in the birth death cycle?
vampy-> :))) i know. but still, vampy, i hope you read it.
kimananda-> Kimananda Swamini! Namaste! I am honoured.
I'm doing fine thanks. Have a good summer :)
Talkative man-> thanks :)
I believe that the soul enters and leaves maya (the world) till the point it has rna left to be paid, karma to be endured. There will come a time when each soul comes out of death with no karma (good and bad) and no rna left. When that happens the soul no longer needs the world and gets back into the androgynous universe.
vasu
thats something i dont believ, but like to believe. why like to belive?- cos it in a weird way explains what we go thru this life time, - it makes it easier to swallow. it a fantasy that i think about quite frequently, but i dont believe it. :) i am a day-dreamer you see.
how can our accounts reach a state of nil? cos if there is somethin like another go at life... each lifetime, your not aware of a previous(if there is one) and you do both good and bad... it just cant be you could keep doing only good for a whole life time... dont think a saint is even capable of doing that. now lets look at snakes, its their dharma that they bite to protect and feed them self them self , even if it means it has to kill somethin for it... so how can we judge that as wrong or right? and who can?
I understand what you are saying. Its not about right and wrong atall. I think no one can judge that. Ultimately every action has a reaction thats all. A soul which wants to free itself from maya, doesent want any unpaid debts and any unendured karma. There comes a time when (so called, for lack of better word) good karma is undersirable. Because the soul has to come back to endure the good effects and meanwhile other karmic actions are created.
It is quiet possible for people to remember their past lives. That realisation is the key and gives you a purpose of why you are here. To get your account to nill.
Many great gurus who seek that spiritual advancement actually seek that realisation. That ability to know what needs to be done. Do it and be out of this world.
Reference : Please take a look at this link Titu Singh.
Another book that I always recommend is Aghora, At the left hand of God . A good brief is given to understand some aspects of what we discussed.
Moreover its all a question of core belief and faith. Frankly, it doesent matter what you believe in as long as your instinct tells you that this is your path.
Thats why there can never be one path for all. I know for a sure fact that my path is tantra and many of the satvik brahminical traditions dont even stir anything in me. I do some of the stuff because it will hurt my parents. I am still a prisoner of that maya.
One chapter I really really liked in that book is the one on Spirits and Vimalananda's explaination of spirits, parental relationships etc. etc. For the many things I have seen in my life so far, I believe there is more, much more to just genetics and upbringing to how a man developes. There is the fundemental aspect of soul and the soul's self realisation of who it is. Not he or she... It. also The soul's need for a spiritual awakening dictates many of the things we see in this world.
Please donot view this as an attempt to evangelise. Its just a continuation of the discussion we were having and I thought maybe its a good time for you to pick up this book and read it. It does not answer all the questions. But it just shows a path. Its just rs. 150 and is available in all bookstores. Rupa publications.
Do have an open mind while reading the book and see if it appeals to you. If you are not appealed by it, leave it aside. Maybe thats not your path. One thing I can gaurentee is at worst this is a real entertaining read.
vasu
The question really is.
Did the act of helping the dragon fly an act of Karma or an act of Rna (past debt fullfilled now)... ?
:)
vasu
from what my life is going thru i see it as rna... and i pretty much can guess what my bad deed in my past life would have been... i must have killed my boss!
and vasu, you are free to talk all that you want and unlimited... i love poeple openin up for a fair discussion.. i ahve always enjoyed cross fires. rather than write about what i feel on my blog, i would like discussions happening here(1-n communication rather than 1-1 ) that was a very descriptive explination. will try to lay my hands on the book.
so, ok you believe in life running on a balance... (i am a libran so thats how i see it)
do you belive in God? or do you belive there is just a natural unconscious flow to things, and thats how things move? or is there somethin else ?
There is a natural flow of the universe. Birth, death etc..
We are all part of one androgynus energy and the duality of human-god, man-woman is a creation of maya. A context of maya which we engage in.
Maya itself is an important pillar and realisation of maya is an important step. Its not knowledge, but realisation something that wakes up deep inside someone. I am still fully engaged in maya. The Agora tradition believes in fully engaging in maya as much as one wants, but without being a prisoner of it.
X steals my money. If X self identifies with that action it is karma. If X doesent identify with the action, it is rna.... One will always be skeptical about this. How can you trust X to feel guilt and decide weather it is rna or karma. Isnt it convinient ? I used to think the same.
But I realised that a soul can never fake that kind of feeling. A feeling of regret, guilt or justification. If he feels it must be karma. If he doesent feel (heart of heart, irrespectiv of what he tells the world) then its rna. All souls are kinf of similar and their differences are purely reactions/engagements with the maya of their lives. Maya doesent appear the same to everyone..
Your maya (desires) are different than mine. Your path (spiritual) maybe different than mine. Yet they are the same.
So how the soul reacts to maya determines its baggage. Ultimately when all baggage is dropped the soul gets liberatd to go back to the source. Thats why we tantrics like matrix and hate matrix.. It simplifies what essentially is a self discovery to hollywood melodrama...
God exists in the duality of maya. But it is made of the same stuff as we are and is not that different from we are...
Dont smile because I used "it" instead of "he". He is a part of She and She has a he inside. Ultimately both are its...
Shiva and Shakthi are a perfect example of this. Ardhanarishwara is the perfect metaphor. When in maya the concept of god is also subject to duality and the true nature is visible only during maithuna.. "The sexual act".
Not to be viewd as cheap thrills. Maithuna as a concept is as powerful as God itself... It is maya but it is a door in maya which lets you raise above that and see the larger nature of things...
vasu
r u able to categorise your actions?
i am taking a neutral stand while saying the following:
see there was this very odd case in kerala... a man lost bag filled with money in a bus one day. some 10-12 yrs later he is sent the money back with a note saying that the guy who stole the money was sorry that he did it and lives a straight life now. the victim over here, had lost his home and had to start all over again... he had pawned his home for that money. but the surprising thing is that this man has no bitterness about that incident and talks to people about this robber and tried to find him... he admires the man.
stealing could be looked at from several angles... now if someone has been starving since days, and that leads to stealing, then there are a few ways we could look at it:
* its his duty to take care of him self, so he did
* it would have been better he died starving(dignity)
* there are other ways to get it than stealin ...
I have realised somethin while i was in PUC, that most of the things around us are more grey-shaded than being clear cut black or white. While i was in school i used to see things in black and while. but after high school graduation, the world around me turns greyer by the passin time. when everythin around you looks grey, you begin to understand there is perhaps no defination of right and wrong, its what you define it for your self. and may be thats where the crux of the system lies... the will to choose with the understanding of the truth, 'what goes around, comes around' .... so in effect the onus of your actions lie on you and the way you look at it. Today you want to do this?-then you should be remember that this could happen to you too. While you are choosing, you shouldnt make a choise in fear of consequences.
I agree largely with you, but I am just explaining the concept of Tantra and the tantric world as understood by me.
Lets take the same e.g. we started with...
The man who stole money, the robber in kerala felt sorry... His conscience pricked.. That is his self (soul, spirit, whatever you call it) identifying itself with the action. Even if he returned that money back it is a different action from the one of stealing. Since his self identified it and he felt bad about it (naturally and to himself) that action is karma. If his self would not identify itself with the act.. it would have become rna....
As simple as that.. The act of returning the money is another karmic action... The cosmos accounts for both...
When you are analysing stealing, you are analysing it from the socio-economic-political perspective. Wheras I am analysing it from a purely spiritual perspective.
IF you are guilty of anything, anything atall it is karma. If you are guilty of nothing, nothing atall it is rna.... Simple yardstick. Ofcorse the society's reaction would be different to say a murderer who displays no remorse. But that is this worldly and if there never will be any remorse, the murderer is really not affected by the death penalty. His soul just moves on. Irrespective of what the murderer might or might not display to a judge, witness weather his self identifies itself with the murder is a pure play of weather it is rna or karma.
You are absolutely spot on when you say shades of grey and the concept of right and wrong..
I myself believe so and in effect what we do has a pure play instinctive effect on us which tells us weather something we do is right or wrong.. This right or wrong is ofcourse dictated by who we are. and Who we are doesent stop just to our genetics and upbringing but goes much beyond that. Who we were in the past...
vasu
everytime that someone falls off a bike (minor accident) do you stop, go back, and help?
When I first witnessed such a thing, I was travelling with ma friend on his bike...and on the other lane ony guy slipped from his bike...I said, lets move on, he will help himself..I got an angry stare back :)
Second time I was travelling with ma manager and a bike came in from the opp direction and banged head on with our car...fortunately he was wearing a helmet, so he survived. I tried to convince the crowd not to beat us up as it was not our fault....I offered help too, but was scared to goto hospital n all :D
How ya doing buddy? Sorry I haven't visited--life has totally sucked. Good to read your blog.
Neets, you are a charm checking with me! With the exception of anyone hurting your brother, you my dear have deeds that are neither good nor bad and suspect all of them performed with good intentions!
Nice to see ur blog @ last. i didnt read this blog thou - it was a long one(The only thing long i read is 1000+ pages steven king books :)).
New post please!
i am reading this at midnight, and i too now hear strange voices. lolz.
Mam..... ur post is awesome... better than the Dan Brown Page Turner....
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